Archive for the ‘2011 – Jan1 thru Mar 31’ Category

Untitled for now.

Posted: June 24, 2020 in 2011 - Jan1 thru Mar 31

As this statement is read, I am standing in the Wake County Courthouse in Raleigh, NC.  It is Wednesday, June 24th, 2020.

This is nearly one year later, approximately 320 days following the night I came home from a fun evening with friends only to experience what turned  out to be the most disturbing and impactful day of my life.

At first it was the device. The device stunned me, shocked me, educated me. That little black box with 360º viewing and night vision was something I’d never seen before. And there it was. Perched on the curtain high above my bed. Looked like a damn cockroach as I came home bleary eyed around midnight. I popped up on the chair to reach for it, grabbed the thing and thought, “what the hell is this?” Too tired to be bothered I just placed it on the dresser and went to bed. Just a few minutes later I was sitting up with my phone in hand. These modern day phones can be so helpful at times of uncertainty. A quick google search and a frantic phone call and my night had really just begun…

The police came to the house and searched the premises. Shining flashlights in corners of the bedroom, bathroom, attic, the whole house. Questions arose as to who has been in the house, friends visiting, enemies, boyfriends, etc. I slept that night just as I’ve slept ever since. On edge. Sleepless. Nervous. Anxious.

One might say it was a relatively easy case. There was communication and basically an admittal of guilt. An apology? Maybe there was that too but I would have nothing of it at the time. How could I? My skin crawled and my knees buckled at every thought of what had happened. I spent that week just trying to be around friends at their homes. elsewhere. Anywhere other than my own home. My home felt unsafe. I felt somehow dirty.

A week later and I decided enough is enough.  I thought, this is ridiculous! It was my birthday and I want to overcome the demons that were haunting me. I invited several friends and my daughter over to just hang out at my house.

A good time was halted suddenly as there was a knock at the door. I gasped and ran to the window. I met the person outside while my daughter, being the only one who knew what had happened, tried to calm everyone down. When the police finally left, I could only try and explain the awkward and uncomfortable situation.

WHY is it awkward and uncomfortable to ME? Why do I feel dirty? Why do I feel like hiding, like crawling, like whispering and cowering?

THIS IS NOT MY DOING! ….not in the least…

And yet I am the one peering around every corner, avoiding unknown paths, treading lightly as I walk through life.

For weeks I couldn’t go any distance in my own effing house without feeling as if someone was watching me. Were there more cameras?

Every sound, light, misplaced object was suspect. Unusual happenstances and otherwise lucky breaks seemed ill felt and uncelebratory as I wait for some sort of sign that this can be over and I can move on with my life.

Even today I think…how dare HE still have a job, have a wife, have a life that is basically unchanged.

I will never understand why, or how, or what convinced you to disrespect my individuality as a person, violate my rights as a human being and disregard my privacy as a woman. I expect that I will I never look at you again as a friend or a trusting member of society.

It is just one day before my daughters 29th birthday. I always strive to find a meaningful gift from which she will learn, grow and flourish. Perhaps my being here today will be enough.

She and I plan to be together tomorrow and I truly hope that I will be able to turn this page and move ahead in this chapter of my life. This all too true story is one that my daughter has heard and from which will hopefully learn. I pray other women and men who are touched by this will learn something as well.


Posted: November 8, 2018 in 2011 - Jan1 thru Mar 31

When you have so very much to do. So very much to see. So very much to share…

NO DOUBT…Life can get away at times. Since the day I graduated high school, I have been an adventurer, risk taker, challenger, and many other things. I got married, raised my daughter and enjoyed the comfort of a happy active family, job security and a financially stable and fulfilling life…

Fast forward to the last 15 years, my life has rocked back and forth between very low lows and very high highs. In times of uncertainty, I questioned myself, my closest friends and even my family. Those times my strength was challenged, I struggled greatly but ultimately became my most creative self. Remaining content in my through everything, I was allowed to learn and better empathize with others. My strongest voice came through in the most creative ways. My voice was silent, but my visual art screamed my message.

In 2009, I [my vision] created a social experiment that began with a public art sculpture in Chapel Hill and reached people around the world. Subsequent artwork took on a whole new voice that was stronger and louder than ever. My creativity was recognized by leaders across the country and made me extremely proud. These experiences were and will continue to be used to encourage my creative peers in many ways.

My nature is to be private and somewhat calculated. I see myself one way while others may see me another way. My artwork styles change, my favorite color may change, and my passwords need to change from time to time. That being said, the one thing that does not change, is my passion for the arts and my desire to make a difference.

I’ve always had a creative side. A little quirky a little indifferent. I yearn to be noticed but am highly nervous about standing out. I rarely follow the rules, forward paths or conventional recipes. My artwork mediums change as often as my sideline employments and some relationships. I have so many ideas and yet so little time! So, what’s a girl to do?!?!

Now I admit that my life has taken years of anxiety, excitement, and fatigue resulting in a roller coaster of emotions. I think friends would say I am a more quiet, private person and keep my issues much to myself. That being said, I’m done! 

With so much distress and chaos in the world today it is easy to overlook my own misfortunes. But, instead of brushing things under the rug, I’m thinking of being done with being silent. Or at least standing up for myself from here on out! 

I say this but not sure how I’ll go about this or what I’ll write but I’ll try to be honest, legit and helpful. After all, I have only eighty nine more days to figure things out….

Let’s start…

Posted: July 1, 2018 in 2011 - Jan1 thru Mar 31

Today marks a new day. Well, every day marks a new day but today I will start a new ninety-one day challenge. I’m not even sure I am aware of what that challenge will be yet but I trust that through my writing, it will come. 

The past year has been very emotionally taxing. I lost my mom somewhat unexpectedly and in the same year went through two jobs and moved for the third time in less than three years. I felt as though I would be better off tomorrow but tomorrow never seemed to happen.

I still feel defeated at times and continue to trudge forward as best I can. I went to a comedy show last evening and the comedian was talking about how he is happiest when he is on stage. Then he continued to say (seriously) that he really struggles with life when he is not on stage. 

While there was more to his delivery than just those two statements, it made me think a lot about what really makes me happy and when I am happiest… 


Posted: June 24, 2018 in 2011 - Jan1 thru Mar 31

Could it Brie?

I’m on a quest for a bright, new, and very exciting path in life! Read more…

So I recently went to a house concert and the singer/songwriter was singing her heart out to a new song called “A Beautiful Mess”. I looked to the person next to me and whispered, that’s me…A Beautiful Mess. We laughed a little and decided things can only get better.

Fast forward to the interesting things that leave me with a sprinkle of optimism and I can say the good things that have happened and brought happiness in the past year is definitely friends, family and cheese!

About a year ago, I was running back and forth making the best of the two hour drive between the river and the city. It was at a Publix grocery store in New Bern that I found Wisconsin Cheese Curds for the first time! I was so excited I could hardly stand it! I was running through the store like a crazy person! IMG_4595

Then this cute guy at the kiosk selling pineapples asks me what I am going to make with the curds. I said, “what do you mean? I’m just going to eat them like this!” “What do you make?”


“What? … Poutine? What is that?”

“It’s a Canadian dish. Made with french fries, cheese curds and brown gravy…”

“Oh my! Sounds delicious and why have I never heard of this? I grew up in northern Wisconsin! I’ll have to try it!”

That weekend my friend and I went to a favorite restaurant. I brought the curds and asked the chef if she would make the poutine. She said we have curds here!


“Yes! Look on the menu at our special burger”

There it was! A burger topped with melted cheese curds then a split bratwurst and finally sauerkraut and a lil dijon mustard. CRAZY! I did not try it but laughed and said that would be meal for the day!

She made the poutine and we all enjoyed it. That was just the beginning of my very cheesey journey. Many trips to Wisconsin and now here we are…

I recently entered the Wisconsin Grilled Cheese Sandwich contest. I did not win but with 1600 entries I was glad to have pulled up my big girl panties and give it a go! Besides, I learned a bit more about video editing and now have one more post on my You Tube channel! Here’s a pic of my yummy PC-BLFingT sandwich:


Then after hitting it off for about an hour with this woman I met at a party, turn out her  cousin cooks for Kelly Ripa and hosts a Television cooking show in NYC specially geared toward the 40’s and above age group. “Perhaps I could get you hooked up with that”, she exclaimed! How awesome would that be?!?!

I still have a huge desire to start a food truck someday but for now I purchased a lil Smart Car. I call it my Humble Bee. Her name is sunshine and the license plate is Bee Artsy! I haven’t begun to paint her but I will surely incorporate Cheese, Packers and Wisconsin in there somehow! This car turns heads already but I can’t wait to find the true promo idea for instant gratification!IMG_0780

And finally, my friends and I love to get together to share stories, wine and good foods. It often consists of beautiful arrangements of cheeses, meats, fruits and nuts such as these beautiful displays we’ve created in the past. I have wonderful friends from all walks of life and I would truly have it no other way! My daughter is a professional Makeup Artist and loves to help me in the kitchen too. Her artistry takes on a different form but I love to learn from her too!

I’m not sure what will come next and neither do you. So, spread good vibes and stay tuned for more as my life takes on this new path…

TRIG Modern featuring my oil paintings, mixed media works! Artist reception First Friday, May 3, 5-9pm. Thru June 4.

2 of my paintings featured in VAE’s show “Food for Thought”. Block Party tonight as well – d/t Raleigh. Don’t miss it!

So, the pride I feel since the end of my $1 per Day challenge can hardly be described. So many lessons and societal truths were learned that I feel could never be  taught in school or otherwise. One must witness being without before truly understanding what it means to have. I also know that I have barely scratched the surface of what interests me most today. 


That being said, spending money has become a bit uncomfortable for me. For the last three months, I had promised myself and others I would spend no more than $1 per day except for utilities, ongoing bills and gas for my car. Learning and becoming comfortable with bartering services, trading alternative forms of currency and pooling together resources for food, I saved every dollar that was set aside for this last Challenge. I still had the original ninetyone one dollar bills. That’s  $91.00!

People asked many questions, often ending with, “What will you do with the money you save?”


Hmmmm, I could donate it all to a worthy organization. I could donate it to a local struggling small business. I could give it to a homeless person. I could leave a huge tip after trying out the new Waffle House….

All my thoughts seemed too easy and too trivial. After all, $91 isn’t much of a donation to a large organization. Besides, much of the donations often go toward paying salaries to those who run the campaigns. 


After much thought and careful creative licensing, I came up with the Ninety-One Envelopes. On April 1st, we created 91 envelopes, each complete with explanation and instruction and of course, a dollar tucked inside.

The next few months, through June 30, 2012, the envelopes will circulate into the community to be shared and talked about. Dreams will be inspired, open forums will be born and a social experiment will take place.   

On or about June 30, 2012, all envelopes will be returned to the original source and great things will continue to develop. Stay tuned…

Yes, my last post was January 16th and I was in a conundrum about my Packers’ loss in the NFL Playoffs. I have since relieved myself of that mild depression and have been on an upswing since.

My fridge and pantry are getting more and more bare but my life is being revitalized in a way I never imagined. I learned to make the best tortillas, wheat crackers, and laundry detergent all from scratch! Last night I threw an improv Mardi Gras party and made candied popcorn using Karo syrup, sugar and some almonds and pecans I had in the freezer. It was awesome!

When I first started this ninety-one day challenge, my goal was to spend no more than a dollar per day for 91 days, allowing each dollar to rollover if not spent. I was a few weeks into it without spending a dollar, and realized I wanted to finish out the month. Then I went a few days longer and then wanted to get halfway through the challenge without spending a dollar. I made it that far and, finally on Feb 20th, I broke down and made a trip to the grocery store. I just had to.

The gift card came in handy and I spent a total of $14 plus some change to get all the ingredients to make laundry detergent. I had about 3 loads of clothes to wash and the media reports about bed bugs was beginning to haunt me. I had a choice: Spend the money left on the card to buy the ingredients for the detergent or buy new sheets and undies and clothes.

I chose the former and am all the more proud.

Until next time….

Yes, its been a challenge. However, it’s been a total of nine days now and I have not spent a single cent. That is correct, not a penny nor a dime nor a dollar. So, tomorrow I wake up and will put another dollar in my pocket as I head out the door.

How am I able to do this, you ask? Mooching off others, some say and still others say by being creative. I must proudly admit it is more the latter of the two. Let me tell you how:

Warmth: I fully intended to line my windows with a weatherproofing film to try to save energy cost this year.  Given that that would cost around $50 for the largest, most important areas, I need to do something different. To the fabric stash I went. I found old fabric shower curtains, window curtains and other fabrics to line the windows instead. Looks fine from outside and funky from inside.  How creative 🙂

Everyday items: I have a full tube of toothpaste that should get me through at least 2 months, about 8 rolls of TP, and am running very low on the female hygiene products that are needed about every 28 days. Not sure how, but I’ll make it all work. everything is working out so far. My dishwashing soap is in good shape but it is the laundry detergent that I am low on. A friend gave me just enough for a load or two and I have since found a great resource online for making your own soaps. That will be my next step, I guess.

Food: The pantry is full of canned soups, rice, beans, etc, which will be used sparingly while I focus my efforts on using those fresh veggies and fruits and dairy. I need to choose wisely so to not  allow them to wither, rot or otherwise let me know they are not in this for the long run. For instance, I had a bag of shredded broccoli and 2 tortilla wraps that really needed to be used up soon, if not before. So, a little ingenius thought and a monkey wrenched headache later, I came up with this concoction:

Something Something Burritos

Two Tortilla Wraps
Turkey Burger, Garlic, Onion – saute until brown and cooked through. Place in large bowl.
Oil, shredded broccoli, carrots, celery – saute until slightly brown – add to bowl along with meat.
Stir fry seasoning, spices, shredded cheese – stir into mix.
– spoon mixture into tortillas and wrap in burrito fashion, like this:

Simply place your meat filling like so...

Then, fry in pan until golden brown and voila! Bon Appetite!

Way yummy!